Day TWENTY SEVEN : Utterly Attached

Day Twenty Seven : January 29, 2010 : Friday

It's almost a month since I started this journey. That's a whole new up for me.
So today, Errol showed me some really cool magic. If I had to describe it in one word, the word would be "Beautiful". I'm afraid I'm not smart enough to give it much of a word, but I think "Beautiful" fits the bill.
We also talked more. The whole day that's practically what we did... Talk & talk & talk. Talking to him is talking about the past, because Errol is basically a past (becoming a present, though.)... It was funny shit. Talking about the crazy things we did before just about took away the life out of me, from all the laughing I did. We were so young, back then. I was even more of an idiot....

He gave me money that night and I went to bed early because I need to catch the space ship to Uranus. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I couldn't really bare the thought of leaving this place. I've come to love this house, and it feels so comfortable and carefree... Not like out in the wild, where I had to constantly jump up just to see if any beast wanted to kill me and take my organs. It's such a warm house, and everyone is so nice. And I have fallen in love with being dependent... Everyone is just so reliable here. Errol knows how to do the job well... So very reliable. And I feel like relaxing forever and ever and ever and ever.

Should I leave such a heaven?
The answer is yes, of course. That night, before going to bed, Errol told me that I changed... There was something different about me, according to him. And I know him enough to trust his judgment. That's what got me motivated, really. I want to change and know myself... so I'm continuing.


I cried cause of happiness and exhaustion and anger alike. Everything has been overwhelming in a sense that I can't take. I want to stay but I can't and in a way it's frustrating. I'm so tired of living like this, walking miles, having no dignity left.

Guess I'm having a breakdown of sorts.