Day EIGHTY TWO : I'm just a boy

Day Eighty Two : March 25, 2010 : Thursday

More than 48 hours of lying in this one place. A bullet up my right thigh. Sanity slowly slipping away... So how are you doing? Fine?  Hm? Well, lucky lucky you. Here's an advice. NEVER go on random journeys you're totally unprepared for. Just really stupid... But then, I guess, you'd miss a lifetime.

Lifetime or safety? Your choice.

I really have no choice anymore. Not only did I already go on this extremely pointless journey... I also experienced a many shitty things.
Sometimes I wonder what might've happened if I chose safety...

I was thinking back on when I was in Jupiter, in that Island with Isidor. I hate to say it, but I was terrified during that time. I kept ignoring it, I kept focusing on the work Isidor made me do, and how bossy he was... I never actually talked about all the dead people, the trashed space ship. Why not? It reminded me of the other crash I experienced.
I already experience two plane crashes and survived.
No one can be that lucky, right? I'm kinda feeling cold....

Maybe I'm just traumatized with the first crash. I was only 6, and me and my mother were on our way to Neptune. I don't remember why we were going there, but I'm sure it's one of her shinanigans that she refuses to talk to me about. I don't remember much about the whole crash thing, really. I just remember screaming and bluegreen lights and things hitting me from everywhere. When I gained consciousness, I was in the hospital and Churika was perfectly fine. I don't remember what happened next.
But I do remember that I always always avoid talking about it.
I think it happened again in Jupiter. I refused to believe the second crash thing, or at least refuse to acknowledge it... so I didn't talk to anyone about it. I don't like what happened, okay.

... I'm always going on and on about virtues and Apollo's truth and prophecy and light. Who am I to say those things? I can't live up to them. My bitterness gets the better of me, and feeling dumb makes me... pretend.
I guess I'm just confused with everything that's happened to me in my short life.

I'm really just a boy after all.